


An Abundance of Caution

by valkyrish



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Flirting, Humor, Internal Conflict, Lightsaber Innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:31:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyrish/pseuds/valkyrish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hera's almost certain that Kanan's packing a lightsaber. Now, if only she could get him to show it to her...</p><p>Pre-Star Wars Rebels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Abundance of Caution

The first time, the thought hadn’t even occurred to Hera; she had been too busy fearing for both of their lives. The second time, it was only an idle guess. After yesterday, she knew for sure.

He had yet to actually use it in front of her, but she was now certain that Kanan had a lightsaber. It was the only possible explanation for why he would carry something of that size and shape. He was clever about it—she suspected it was in at least two pieces—but it definitely wasn’t a flashlight.

She had long wondered if he had one, but figured it was impossible given his age. Now, she realized just how presumptuous the thought was. She had no idea how the Jedi did anything, and Kanan offered no real insight on that front.

Even after almost a year, he rarely spoke of his youth, and she never asked. It only came up as part of an amusing anecdote, like how he got a certain scar or when he first started growing facial hair. Even those tidbits only slipped out in the throes of sleep deprivation.

It was hard to fault him. Hera didn’t like to talk about her own past much, either, but hearing little pieces of his past made it easier to share bits of hers.

She assembled his stories like a puzzle in her mind. Stowing away in cold shipping containers, picking blasters off of dead stormtroopers--those tales were familiar. It was the inconsequential stories that Hera loved the most. It was easy to get lost in chasing leads, meeting contacts, and plotting moves, but those talks reminded her of why they were fighting. The rebellion was better with him, and by extension, so was she.

This was one of the bigger missing pieces, and she couldn't stop thinking about it. She suspected the lightsaber only came out for those “special” times when imminent death was likely. Death was always a possibility, but there was a bit more weight behind Kanan’s bad feelings than her own.

He probably had a reason for keeping silent, but knowing Kanan, it was as simple as "I didn’t feel like talking about it."

Having dodged a grisly fate yet again, they were back at home. No time like the present to open the discussion.

"Morning," Kanan said, stepping into the cockpit with two cups of coffee. She took hers with a smile.

"Nice work last night." The cup warmed her hands, and she savored the first sip.

"Feels good to have a win." He eased himself into his seat, trying to mask his wince. "Except for that part."

Hera frowned. "Let me get you another patch."

"It’ll be fine." He feigned a crooked grin, which she saw right through. "Gonna get worse before it gets better."

Seeing him in pain wasn’t easy, but she left it alone. To the untrained eye, Kanan seemed reckless, but he knew his limits better than anyone she had ever met.

She almost felt bad asking him about the lightsaber, so she gave him a few moments to drink in peace.

"So, when were you going to tell me about your lightsaber?"

Kanan raised his eyebrows, caught in mid-sip. He swallowed and put down his cup, securing it between his thighs. His movements were deliberate and slow, but he looked more curious than surprised. Hera wasn’t sure where she was going with this either.

"So Hera, I have a lightsaber." Silence. "Not much to tell."

And he dismissed it, just like she thought he would. It was confounding. Up until rather recently, she defined herself by the struggles of her past, while he based his identity on denying them. They both had room to grow, but he was too stubborn.

"Why didn’t you tell me?"

He shrugged. "I just told you."

"Kanan…"

"It’s my problem, not yours."

That gruff tone meant he was trying to close himself off, but she wasn’t going to let him. She met his coldness with an equal measure of concern, and she didn’t speak until he finally looked her way. "Your problems are my problems."

He took a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing. They were a team now—partners. It was something she was still getting used to as well. Comfort was hard to come by these days, and now that she had it, she was learning to treasure it.

Kanan sighed, maybe out of relief, and rested his arms on the seat. "I never told you because I honestly don’t think about it much. Sometimes it just seems like a good idea to have it on me."

"Did you think things were going to get that bad yesterday?" she asked.

He took a drink and stared straight ahead. "Call it an abundance of caution." From this angle, she could see the yellowing bruise on his neck. "Luckily, I was wrong."

She took his open posture as an invitation to press on. "So, did you make it?"

"Nah, it fell off a freighter.” He smirked, shooting her a sideways glance.

"Well, how am I supposed to know?"

"Okay, fair point. Yes, I made it," he said, turning to face her. "I haven’t needed to use it since then and we should both hope I never have to."

Maybe that should have been the end of the conversation.

"Don’t you need to practice with it?"

"Not if I’m never going to use it. Besides, it’s not something you just forget." But he didn’t sound as confident about that part.

"You mean I’ll never get to see it?" She hadn’t intended to sound so disappointed, and Kanan’s expression went devious.

"Why, Captain, are you asking me to whip it out?"

Now it was Hera’s turn to give him the look. She should have seen it coming.

"The lightsaber," she said pointedly. Not to be outdone, she added, "Unless that’s what you call your…"

Kanan's grin widened. "Well, since you brought it up…" He retrieved his cup to take another swig, then shook his head. "No, sorry, but I think they’ll both stay where they are for now. I’m wise to your game."

"My game?" They were both playing a game, but she wasn’t sure if it was the one he was talking about now. "This ought to be good."

Kanan nodded and leaned in towards her, replacing his coffee cup. "The one where you act like the Force gets you all hot and bothered."

"It’s all an act, is it?" she countered, arching an eyebrow.

"Yep. You just want me to use it against the Empire." He was smiling, but she knew there was often a sliver of truth behind his sarcasm, and nagging thoughts flooded her mind. Maybe he was right on both counts.

Yes, she hoped he would eventually use his abilities against the Empire. But did he think that it was just the Force that drew her to him, or worse, that she was using him? That definitely wasn’t what she was playing, and she hoped he knew her better than that.

It was also true that brain went a little fuzzy on those rare occasions when he used the Force, but she was no Jedi groupie. Kanan had hidden his true self from countless acquaintances, girlfriends, and even those he could almost call friends, yet he trusted her enough to reveal it to her. He trusted her enough to step out of his comfort zone and onto the Ghost, and she trusted him enough to welcome him aboard and into her life. The implications made her a little dizzy, even without the spark that was growing between them.

He knew that. He saw it, probably felt it. But he used his confidence like he used his sarcasm. Maybe this particular game was less about her and more about him. Luckily, she had also learned how to get through his thick skin.

"You know I have no ulterior motives, Jarrus." She leaned in to prod his shoulder, choosing her words carefully. "But if you ever do feel like dusting it off, come get me and we’ll test your theory."

Up close, she could see his eyes go wide and hazy. _Nice to see that look on his face for once_ , she thought. She didn’t have long to savor her victory, for Kanan’s smile was a wicked thing. It could melt away her pride and inspire _other_ feelings—feelings that were getting harder to push aside.

"We’re still talking about the lightsaber, right?" he asked, leaning in closer, close enough that their knees were almost touching. She could feel the warmth emanating from him. It would be so easy - so good - to just let it happen. What harm would it do?

But there was no undoing it once they went down that path, and no telling how it would end. Being this close was unfamiliar territory, but she had imagined it more times than she would ever admit. Did he think something was going to happen? Did she want something to happen? And if nothing did happen, was she just confirming his worries?

Just then, Kanan snapped back, flinching in pain. She reached out for his arm.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, just a spasm," he replied, leaning back into his chair. "Looks like you’ll have to wait for that exhibition."

She squeezed his arm before standing up, trying to clear her head. Had his neck actually hurt him just then, or had he been trying to save his pride? The way he was looking at her said it was neither. That soft look said that he had given her an out, because he could see that she needed more time. Maybe not that much more. Either way, the situation warranted more coffee.

"Good thing you recover quickly," she said before knocking back the cold remains of her drink.

"You know, you never did answer my question." That cocky smile was back. His wickedness must have rubbed off on her, because a devious thought crossed her mind.

Before she had a chance to think better of it, she bent down to reach for his lap—his eyes had never gone so wide—and plucked the cup from between his legs.

"More caf?" she asked, an innocent smile on her face. 

For a moment, all he could do was stare. Committing that look to memory, she shook his cup.

"Yeah," he finally coughed out. On her way out for the refill, she heard him call out again. "Feeling much better, by the way."

One of these days, Kanan’s caution was going to pay off, but hers felt more like a hindrance every day. The timing was wrong for a lightsaber demonstration, literal or otherwise. Still, maybe there was enough time to take that first step into the unknown.

**Author's Note:**

> The entire basis for this story was me wanting Kanan to use the phrase "whip it out" in a sentence.


End file.
